Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
