Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
