Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
