my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize