Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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