after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
