i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
