... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
