I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
