I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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