he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
