Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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