Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
