ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
