Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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