the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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