I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
MIDGETS
????
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
