I think I just saw someone hide a body.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
