Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
