I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
