Me. At least after what I've been through.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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