I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
