I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
