ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
