the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
