I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
