She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
