i would punch a child for taco bell
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
