dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
