Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
