who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
