I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This girl is more easily done than said...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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