I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
