I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Can I color on your dick again?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
