my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
