So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
