there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
