For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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