Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I supernannyed him into submission
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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