I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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