Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No subtext here. People are naked.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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