just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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