Me. At least after what I've been through.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
