had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
