I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
