We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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