tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We talked him into tasing himself.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
