I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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