I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
