he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
