Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
