Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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