nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude i'm inner monologue high
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
